I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to win at life… not necessarily by the world’s definition of success, but by what genuinely matters to me. In the first two articles of this series, I explored the importance of understanding what game we’re playing and then taking the time to define what winning actually looks like. Both ideas have challenged me to think differently about the goals I’m pursuing, the things I value, and how I measure progress.
There’s another piece of this conversation that I think might be the most challenging of all… Once we’ve identified what matters most and set our own definition of success, how do we know whether we’re actually living by those priorities? There’s a pretty simple place to start. Open your calendar.
Take a look at the last seven days and consider how you spent your time. Where did your energy go? What received your attention? Which activities filled your schedule, and what consistently got pushed aside?
Now compare those answers to the things you say are most important in your life. How closely do they line up? I suspect this exercise is pretty revealing for most of us. I know it is for me. We can say all kinds of things about what matters most, but the way we spend our time often tells a more accurate story about the priorities we’re actually living.
We’re all probably convicted enough reading this intro and doing the exercise above that I could stop writing right here. We can take this a bit deeper, though, if you’re willing to keep reading…
The Gap Between What We Say and What We Do
Most of us have a pretty good idea of what we value. We want strong marriages, meaningful relationships with our kids, good health, financial stability, fulfilling work, and friendships that go beyond the occasional text message. Most of us want to grow in our faith, make a difference in the lives of others, and have time to enjoy the people and experiences that make life meaningful.
I believe we genuinely mean those things when we say them… the challenge is that our daily lives don’t always reflect those intentions.
Here’s the reality… We get busy, responsibilities pile up, opportunities present themselves, and before we know it, another week has passed. We intended to spend more time with our spouse, but work ran late. We planned to exercise, but the day got away from us. We wanted to connect with a friend, but something else came up.
That’s a lot of “buts.”
None of these decisions seem significant in the moment, but when we look back over several weeks or months, we can see patterns starting to emerge. This doesn’t necessarily mean our priorities are wrong or that we’re being dishonest about what matters. Life is complicated, and we all have responsibilities that require our attention. Sometimes work genuinely needs more of us. Sometimes family circumstances change, or unexpected challenges demand our time.
There are seasons when the balance is off or looks very different from what we’d prefer. I do think, though, that there’s an important distinction between a demanding season of life and a pattern of consistently neglecting the things we say matter most. One is a reality we sometimes have to navigate. The other may signal that we’ve let our daily decisions drift away from our values.
That drift can happen so gradually that we barely notice it.
Everything Important Is Competing for Something Limited
I’ve become increasingly aware that I only have so much time and energy to give. No matter how productive I become, how organized I get, or how many tools I use to manage our schedules, I’m still working with the same 24 hours each day. Adding to that, there will always be more opportunities than I have time to pursue.
As a business owner, I experience this constantly. There are clients to serve, team members to support, and exciting ideas to develop. I genuinely enjoy my work, which can make it even harder to notice when I’m letting it consume too much of my attention. There’s always something else I could be doing professionally, and most of it feels worthwhile. Many of them are downright fun.
The problem I bump into? I only get twenty-hour hours a day, and eight of those are focused on protecting my sleep. That leaves me with sixteen, and the same hours I invest in work are hours I can’t invest elsewhere. Every commitment comes with a tradeoff, whether I acknowledge it or not. Saying yes to one activity often means saying no to another. Taking on another responsibility might reduce the time available other things I’ve claimed ar important. Even the smaller decisions we make throughout the day have a cumulative effect on how we spend our lives.
I think we tend to underestimate those tradeoffs because we’re usually making decisions one at a time. An extra meeting doesn’t seem like a big deal. Skipping a workout or postponing a conversation seems harmless enough. Missing one family dinner is ok… I’ll catch the next one.
Individually, most of those decisions probably are fine, but our lives aren’t built from individual decisions. They’re built from the patterns those decisions create, and when “I’ll do it this time” becomes “I’ll do it again, and again,” then that pattern becomes a problem.
The Things That Matter Most Don’t Always Demand Our Attention
Many of the things that deserve our attention aren’t particularly good at demanding it. A client with an urgent deadline will make sure you know about it, and a project that’s falling behind schedule will quickly become impossible to ignore. These things have a way of making themselves visible, and because they’re urgent, we naturally respond.
A strong marriage, however, doesn’t usually come with a deadline. Your health may not demand immediate attention… until something goes wrong. Friendships can slowly fade, and your kids can move through entire seasons of life while you’re busy focusing on things that seem more pressing.
I’ve been thinking about that in my own life, especially as our kids have gotten older and moved on to college. The opportunities to spend time together look different now than they did when everyone was living under the same roof. Plenty of opportunities to connect still exist, but time doesn’t automatically happen the way it once did. Today’s moments require more intentionality.
That’s true of so many things we value. If we wait until we have extra time to invest in them, there’s a good chance that time will never appear. Something else will always be ready to fill the space, which raises an interesting question. If something is truly one of our highest priorities, shouldn’t it have a place in our schedule before everything else gets a chance to claim that time?
Put Your Values on the Calendar
There’s something powerful about intentionally scheduling the things we say matter most. We do this naturally with work. We put meetings on the calendar, establish deadlines, block time for projects, and create reminders so important things don’t get overlooked. We recognize that if something needs to happen, it deserves a place in our schedule. How often do we apply that same thinking to our personal priorities?
If spending meaningful time with your spouse matters, wouldn’t you protect time for it? If your health is important, wouldn’t exercise have a consistent place in your week? If growing in your faith matters, why wouldn’t you create space for prayer, reflection, and learning?
Not every moment of our lives needs to be scheduled, and relationships aren’t another set of tasks to check off a list. Spontaneity, flexibility, and simply being present have tremendous value. At the same time, I’ve also come to recognize that intentionality often requires some structure. The things we plan for tend to happen more consistently than the things we simply hope to get around to.
For me, one example has been starting my mornings with a walk. It’s the most uncomplicated thing I do all day, and making that walk part of my morning has created consistency in an area of my life that I want to prioritize. I don’t have to spend time every day deciding whether I’m going to do it because I’ve already made that decision.
That consistency matters. It’s a small action that aligns with something I’ve decided is important. I find myself sitting here thinking that a lot of other areas in my life could benefit from that same approach.
Try Looking Back Before You Plan Ahead
Here’s a practical exercise I’d encourage you to try. Before you start planning next week, spend a few minutes looking back at the one you just finished. Start by identifying what you say matters most. Maybe it’s your marriage, your kids, your health, your faith, meaningful work, or investing in friendships. Identify the areas of life that you genuinely want to prioritize.
Then look at your past week’s calendar and think about how you actually spent your time. Consider the meetings, commitments, activities, and responsibilities that filled your days. Think about the things that consumed your attention outside of what was scheduled, too. Sometimes the biggest distractions never make it onto our calendars.
As you look back, ask yourself a few questions:
- Where did I spend my time in ways that aligned with what matters most?
- What received more attention than it probably deserved?
- Which important relationships or priorities did I unintentionally neglect?
- What activities gave me energy, and which ones consistently drained it?
- What’s one thing I could change next week to better align my time with my values?
Think of it as a way to become more aware of the patterns you’re creating. Then, make one adjustment. Not ten… Just one meaningful change that moves you closer to the person you want to become and the life you want to build. Maybe that means protecting an evening with your family, making time for a friend, or creating space for something you’ve been putting off.
Whatever it is, put it on your calendar and treat it like it matters. It does.
You Can’t Manage Time You Haven’t Prioritized
Before we figure out how to manage our time more effectively, shouldn’t we determine what deserves our time in the first place? Otherwise, we might just become more efficient at doing things that don’t matter nearly as much as we think.
This brings me back to the first two articles in this series. If we don’t understand what game we’re playing, we’ll naturally be distracted by everyone else’s scoreboard. And if we haven’t defined what winning looks like, we’ll struggle to determine which opportunities and commitments deserve our attention.
Once we’ve done those things, our calendars become incredibly useful. They let us translate our values into actions and our intentions into consistent habits. We can begin looking at opportunities through a different lens. Instead of automatically saying yes because something sounds interesting or worthwhile, we can ask whether it aligns with the life we’re trying to build. Instead of filling every available hour, we can intentionally protect space for what matters. Instead of measuring our days solely by how much we accomplished, we can begin evaluating whether we’re making meaningful progress.
The Life You’re Building Is Happening Right Now
There’s nothing wrong with looking ahead, but I think we sometimes forget that the life we’re trying to build is already happening, right here, right now.
It’s happening in the conversations we’re having today, the relationships we’re investing in, the work we’re doing, and the choices we’re making about how to spend our time. It’s happening on ordinary Tuesday afternoons and quiet Saturday mornings. It’s happening in the moments that might not seem particularly significant while we’re experiencing them.
That brings me back to the question that started this series. What game are you playing, and what does winning actually look like? If you’ve taken the time to answer those questions, I think there’s one more worth considering: Does how you spend your time reflect the game you say you want to win?
Our calendars won’t tell the whole story of our lives, but they can reveal a lot about the direction we’re heading. The good news? If we don’t like what we see, we have an opportunity to make a different decision tomorrow.
The life you’re building is the life you’re living, one day at a time. Make sure you’re spending those days on what matters most.
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Ready for more?
If you liked this, then you might be interested in my new book, Living Life Daily. Designed to motivate and challenge you every day, this book offers 365 thought-provoking prompts that will push you to reflect, take action, and embrace meaningful change. Whether you’re striving to set clearer goals, build resilient habits, or cultivate a winning mindset, each daily entry is packed with wisdom and practical advice to help you take small steps toward big results. Find it here!
You’ll also get massive value out of the Grit Meets Growth podcast that I share with Chris Cathers. It’s for people who want more out of life… at work, at home, in their relationships, and in their health and wellness. Find it here or on your favorite podcast platform!